Happiness

Happy Sunday to You!

This post will be nothing about losing weight or eating healthy or working out. Instead, it's going to be more of a therapeutic outlet for me today. I would absolutely love feedback and suggestions...if anyone reads this...lol. And PS: it will probably be all over the place.

Since my divorce I have said, manytimes, "I don't even know who I am anymore." Fast forward almost 19 months later ... and that is still true today.

For a long time I had thought about making a list of all the things I want to do or would like to try. Call it my "divorce bucket list." I never have. Well...actually I did a couple months after but I wanted to do another one since time has past and well, let's be honest, I have done not one thing on that list.

I have been angy, sad, depressed these last few months. I told a girlfriend of mine, last week, that I have accepted that I am going to be single forever and I am okay with that. She told me something that really resonated with me. She said, "you just have to really love yourself before you will find love again." Boom...she nailed it. And that got me thinking, how do I love myself. What do I even want to do or enjoy doing or love doing? What makes me, me? What do people love about me? So I pondered over that the rest of the weekend.

Then ... last Sunday (Valentine's Day) me and my sister went to see How to be Single. I freaking loved that movie. It was the perfect movie at the perfect time for me. I laughed, I cried, and it taught me to look at being single different. It taught me to embrace singlehood and take this time to rediscover myself, who I am, and what I want out of this life. I knew I wanted to see it again.

And first, I wanted to write all of it down. And I did just that. It is a continuous list, as I think of something I want to do or try or learn. There is no time limit on my list.

Not only am I a single woman but I am also a single mom. And as a single mom, this presents me with .... challenges, per say. It is challenging to fit in workouts and me time between working a full time job and shuttling boys around to practices and games and birthday parties and wherever else they need to be.

Thankfully, they are with their father on his weekends so that gives me time to do what I need to do which is clean the house, do laundry, games, grocery store, and then rest from the week prior. What single mom has time to actually enjoy time for her? Well, this one. I am going to make me a priority from now on.

I want to learn to play tennis...I want to take a cooking class...I want to teach Cize...I want to smile more...I want to be happy everyday...and most importanlty, I want to love myself.